That line between the heart.

Worried for her as she look so tired and sad lately. Her happy and cheerful smile was like a long forgotten thing, she face constantly pressured to hide so many things beneath the fake smile she tries to put. The fake smiles she tries to assure people that she is indeed alright, she is strong, she is not weak, she can deal with it.

Nobody can, however, deal a break up perfectly. It is painful and scary, an often lonely road, filled with broken dreams plus the what could have beens. We try to smile and be supportive, when deep down, we're aching with brewing hot jealously of that person who has taken our spot. We try to win back your heart, when silently we know that your heart does not belong to us already. We want to show you that we're tough and we can be friends, when the appearant fact is that how do we become friends when we were lovers before? How do we pretend like nothing is going on, when the fact the pillar of strength that you were to us is crumble on unfixable soils? How do we see pass the fact that it was that pair of hands that guided us, that pair of hands that loved us, that pair of hands that carried us through the hard times, and all the sentimental shit like that?

Breakups are never easy but they are never the end of the world. For one person it might be the start of something new, for another the end of the world, for the rest a thing no one can bear to stand or experience.

But this is love - love it or hate it, want it or think you don't need it,think you know it all,have it all,yet, and sometimes, we will never ever be able to fully comprehend it.

I wish my daughter gets her boy back, and that she will not take him for granted again, lost him, and lose something so dear to her life.When the rest of us can find happiness in misery, life isn't exactly pointing well towards the love angle for alot of people including the 19-year-old either.

p/s: My daughter is a close friend from college.Its just a term we created :)

My best friend

I realised how much I've changed and moved on, and I wish I could return to the times we shared and enjoyed so much when we were younger.

I wonder how she is now, probably happy in Alor Star, still hanging out with the same friends, still crazy over riding the motorbike, hopefully, missing her friend over here.

Lee Bee Yung was my friend, and one true best friend I've had. We went to the same primary school for 6 years, sat in the big yellow bus for 6 years, but never talked much to each other. We didn't get along very well.

But everything changed when we moved on to Secondary School. Suddenly the two of us found ourselves in a new school and new surrounding, alien and afraid. But she had a sister who went there, thus she had extra information. She told me and guided me, took care of me, and shared the best 3 years of my life together.

From familiar strangers we were so close, too close, until our teacher's had to seperate us from sitting beside each other in class. We would laugh and talk so loud during breaks and no-teacher periods, so much until we got detention and punishment because we're just so noisy.

Noisy but close.

We had the same classes for the next 3 years of middle school, became each other's science lab partners, car-pool partners, she was my math teacher, she was my secret-keeper although she didn't do a good job la, haha, she was my complain hotline, she was the person I gushed about the 1st and 2nd exboyfriends. She read my emails, my smses, phone called each other everyday even though we live 200 meters away,saw each other in school everyday.

She was there everyday.She even had my housekeys. Only to play the computer when I was out of the house.Hahaha.

We made Wednesday the day we would have Ramly Burgers, and take strolls around the taman illegally on the bike. We would have secret sessions at my home gaming Aaric's PS2, which was crazy because we loved games so much.

But moving to Nilai changed the closeness of our relationship drastically. She was a good friend to try maintain the friendship.I was too indulged in self-pity about depression in the new school. I was too involved with love. I didn't care about her feelings.I forgot about my best friend.

4 years have passed since we left each other, sometimes crossing paths.

Lee Bee Yung, you're my best friend. And I miss you. Although we're not close, it has been hard and its still hard for anyone to take your spot in my heart. And no one has done a good enough job or came close.

I wish....I had her back in my life. I wish I could make up 4 years of lost friendship.

Lambert

How on earth did Kris Allen win still baffles me to this day. Again, I shall keep the comments to myself. But The Adams Family (The Chew Family) that supports Adam Lambert is dissapointed indeed.

.... Asss.

So what now?

I'm at the verge of sanity and insanity.

I'm at a point of youth where I don't feel inspired.

I feel like I have so much to carry and so much burden.

I don't really feel anything...

I think I care too much...and it stinks.

16 and counting

I wish I wish I had these babies here with me in Subang Jaya.But my room is already filled to the brim :(

Its one of my favourite collector's item since 16.I'm suprised at myself at that I'm still in this craze, and there are two of them waiting at the bookstore for me.I see them calling out to me everytime i pass them and I feel so hopeless at my money-keeping skills when I discover that I can't afford the boooks.

I'm talking about Jeffrey Archer books!


Thank you Nicholas Ling for the most orgasmic present so far!

Its an obssesion

100th

Wow wow wow its the hundred post since the humbling beginnings of the blog back in October 2008!

From the sappy break-up posts to the what-could-have and what-could-not-have beens, from the tears and the joys, from the Malaysian side to cold Summer Australian nights, family moments and times of extreme closeness, boredom and absolute randomness,college tales to the ones back home, here and there has made its way to the blog, journalling almost all precious, thought provoking, mind buzzling parts of life of an 18 year old.


My handsome papa, Captain Chew

And since, things have definitely changed alot, for better or for worse, I can't be sure.But the dark clouds have definitely cleared compared to the dark cold times towards the end of the year 2008.Plus I'm feeling more light and less burdened, I guess in some sense I'm experiencing happiness of a different sort.And I stick true to my word, being single till I hit 25 sounds like a good plan. Seeing people fall in love and failling out of love is just too painful to bear. But I sometimes have to be nonchalant about those who get hurt - as much as whine when I get lonely and bored at night... I dunno, love is so complicating. Simple yes, but very hard. I guess I'm a coward for staying a lightyear far away from it as possible. Or maybe I'm just bitter.

You'll never know, I'm very contradictory :P


RCKL'08

But the first semester in college have been nothing but a true blessing indeed. The experience gained, the friendships made, the time invested, the energy consumed just makes me realize that there's life after love, that friends stick with you, be there for you and just be your friend.


Kampung girl is ready for college

And that is something I have never really gotten to experience for the times when I was in high school. Here I would like to remember the friends I made before and have sort of drifted apart, that I miss you, that nothing you do could ever, once make me don't want you as a friend.I hope you know who you are.


With mummie dearest and Ferny

So here's a virtual toast to the episodic moments of my "quite" eventful life, a shout-out to my friends, and a big thank you for those who have visited and commented on my little space....

Thank you for being a part of it.

"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but its also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.It also only by going too far can one possibly find out how far one can go."- Unknown

Thanks babe :D

1. Where and how did we meet?
2. How long have you known me?
3. The last time we saw/talked/chatted/smsed each other?
4. Your first impression of me upon meeting/seeing me?
5. What kind of movie do I like?
6. What's my favorite music?
7. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else(what)?
8. Am I funny?
9. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? Explain why you picked it.
10. If you and I were stranded on an island, what would I bring?
11. Where do you think I will be in 25 years?
12. What reminds you of me?
13. What is my best attribute?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you?

LIM HUI FENN (First to answer...awww so proud!! :) Thanks babe)

hmm...
1. we meet through a friend which is CHIAM JOO ANNE! u were cycling together with her..N i was her cycling buddy 2!
2.more den...ar...4-5 years?
3.yesterday evening...through msn..haha XD
4.the last time I meet u dat u were kinda screw up after 4 lost contact bout 2 years?... Read More
5.comedic..romance...action...(almost eviting I tink)
6.anything nice to the ear?
7.a gurly gurl..haha XD
8.u are!
9.sjc? ur name..easier 2 remember..haha XD
10.camera!
11.more then a teacher..myb open a sch by urself wit new rules!cooL!
12.ur laugh!
13.ur so damm laid back sometimes!
14.miss chew.we might b diff in bckgrounds n style n some personality,bt thx 4 being 1 of my close friends! I really2 appreciated dat!u always listen 2 me n nvr really laugh at my lame ideas i have in mind..he..;)
15.oh yeah!hell yeah!